After 3 years of living in Rome, I was fairly familiar with the dating scene here when my friends persuaded me to give a popular dating app a try.
I was apprehensive about meeting someone at first, but there was one guy who was particularly insistent about meeting up. He was tall, dark and handsome, with his own car and did NOT live with his parents. A rarity!
Everything seemed to be going well on our date. We had a glass of wine each at a lovely bar in trastevere and he was the perfect gentleman. The entire time I was thinking “what’s the catch?”…
After we’d each had a glass of wine, he suggested taking a walk to janiculum hill. (Which I rolled my eyes at a little- I was familiar with the “make out” spot) but I was happy to come with him, because as I said I was pleasantly surprised by how well our date was going.
We looked at the views, he shared some knowledge of the history of he place, and THEN he started making the moves. He moved closer, put his arms around me and… Before I knew it something terrible had happened. If I were to describe the kiss, no other analogy would come close other than “being being repeatedly fisted in the mouth by a slimy, cold toad.” His tongue was dripping in his own saliva as he he pounded it against mine, with zero movement from his lips. I could TASTE the broccoli he’d probably had hours prior to our meeting. I could taste EVERYTHING as his cold sloppy tongue shared his culinary palette. His lips remained motionless. As I pulled away, I wiped away the pool of HIS saliva off my chin with my scarf!
I had never experienced anything like that in my entire life. I was in utter disbelief. He smiled at me and I told him I needed to go home because I had work tomorrow and it was late. It was 10pm. He drove me home and as he parked the car and I undid my belt, I was silently willing him “don’t do t, don’t do it”. I was able to escape, but not before he had dribbled all over my chin again. This is no exaggeration. My chin was soaking wet! The cold slime of his tongue and the aroma of his dinner once again came into contact with my tongue. I couldn’t take it. I quickly said goodbye, wiped my chin with my scarf and walked a few paces before stopping. I gagged. Was I really gonna vomit? You bet I was. I vomited, in a state of utter disbelief, outside the launderettes adjacent to my apartment. I ran inside, brushed my teeth ferociously and vowed to never use a dating app again.
Submitted by: Anonymous